Archie Panjabi

While accepting her Emmy, The Good Wife actress announced, “This is so good for my career.”  Ms. Panjabi, you might want to take it down a notch.  Trust us.

When the outsiders who are good at math not only get ahead but celebrate it — that’s when the pogroms start.

All this kvelling and she's not even a doctor

“Reality” shows

So here’s what my daughter knows about the Bar exam — apparently it’s very hard because some girl named Victoria, on some reality show called Downtown Girls, has failed it twice.  It’s not possible that the girl is a moron — after all, she rebounded with another “bar exam” — applying for a job at an actual bar.

When will these kids learn there’s no shortcut to a real, fulfilling, successful life?

And when will Bravo make America’s Next Top Suburban Dentist?  What, if you can’t beat ’em, overcharge them for gold crowns.

Yup, that's how it is, kids.

CNN

So the penalty for sleeping with a hooker and generally being a sanctimonious schmuck is hosting a show on CNN?

Hey, CNN, I know you’re desperate and looking to replace Larry King, but this is just a little too on the nose.

This would be Shakespearean -- if Falstaff were a douche.

Helen Thomas haters

We shouldn’t rush to judge Helen Thomas.  If this were a sitcom, her wisecrackin’ anti-Semitism would be positively precious.  After all, now that the only Golden Girl left is the “dumb blonde,” we need someone to deliver Bea Arthur’s spice or Estelle Getty’s racism.

Let's just hope she doesn't try for the recently departed Rue McClanahan's sluttiness.

Lost

If you were to tell a Jew, here’s a story about a few recognizable archetypes stranded on an island he’d say – “Oh, it’s Gilligan’s Island.”

But, no, you say — it’s not funny — it’s got a lot of death and redemption and the main character’s name is Shephard. “Oh,” he’d say, “it’s a Christian parable.”

And millions of Americans are surprised… why?

I felt more redeemed at the end of Beretta

Costumed Heroes

So now it’s cool to be a regular guy who thinks like, dresses like, acts like a superhero?

Apparently zero-to-hero films like Kick-Ass have been inspiring comic geeks to dress up like Spiderman and catch criminals.

So why hasn’t Curb Your Enthusiasm (episode 19) encouraged more Jews to dress up like Larry David and break up baptisms?

Don't worry, here comes Super-Yid!

Young Seinfelds

Yes, Jerry Seinfeld has made about a billion dollars off of Yid jokes.

No, you won’t.

This is knowledge that every Jewish parent needs to impart.  It is, in fact, the responsibility of every mameh and tateh to shame little Gerald into going to medical school… or dental school… or even podiatry school.  He needs a profession!

You should not be filling him with pipe dreams and putting him on YouTube.