Google’s Android Software

So, Google is introducing software you can “design yourself.” Like I’m supposed to be excited about this?

I sent my kids to law school so they didn’t have to build anything.  Ever.

If I wanted them working with tools and making patterns I’d have stayed on the Lower East Side.

Where's the robot who does all this for me?

Skype

Barbara Walters is now Skyping on the view.  If Baba Wawa has her usual effect, it’s only a matter of time before my mother’s judgey, judgey face is broadcasting out on the internet.

Children beware — stick to the self-pleasuring pervs of chat roulette.

Real danger is on the way…

If you were shocked by "Shit my Dad says" -- he's got nothing on my mom.

NYTimes on Gadgets

So in its effort to whine its way into competition with Andy Rooney, the Times is complaining about people being too hooked on gadgets to pay attention to their families.

Which is just how I like it.

Ever since I bought my mother an iPad, she’s been too busy looking at pictures of other people’s children to tell me how to raise mine.

Hey -- look at Deb's kids -- they got her nose. Her real nose!

iPhones

Of course it can understand babies.  It can understand everything.  These gleaming little wizards are scheming against us.  Just another part of the vast, Liberal, Jewish conspiracy… er, I mean technological conspiracy.  Close one.

Of course, this is to scale. Why do you ask?