Tag Archives: New York

Bargain Shopper of the Week: The Meadowlands

Maybe it’s my patriotism — or my hardwired Depression-era frugality — but I can’t stand leaving the lights on for no reason.  Which is why I applaud the New York football Giants.  Yesterday, in the midst of getting shellacked at home by a bunch of Texan criminals, they simply turned out the lights.

Sure, 80,000 fans were terrified and trapped in the dark — but how about taking one for the team?  No need to throw good electricity after bad.

Big Blue goes green and saves green

The Yankees

For years, everyone (outside of New York) has accused the Yankees of excess.  They buy players, networks, self-named steakhouses in their own stadium.  I’ve never been bothered by it… until now.

A new report indicates New York Governor David Paterson may be indicted for his role in attending a Yankees game.

Really, Yankees, really?  You gotta pile on the most inept governor New York’s had outside of a musical?  What’s next, spending $424 million on free agents and then going out and winning the world series?  Oh, right, that was last year.

I can't quite make out that pitch... no, it's a shitball.

Bed Bugs

As always, any news item that proves a bubbeh meiseh true — like New York is infested with bed bugs — makes it on our radar.

We haven’t been this disappointed since L.A. turned out to be filled with Scientologists.

And they're billboard friendly!

Subway Cameras

So New York has decided to install thousands of cameras in the subways.  Do they know what this will do to my subterranean crime syndicate?

Since Giuliani cleaned up New York, it’s been Dickensian London down below — and I’ve really been enjoying my time as Fagin.

"You've got to pick a pocker or two..."

Lady Gaga

Could have been worse. Could have been Liza.

I’ve been going to Yankees’ games since you could call a player Gaylord Perry and it wasn’t a political statement.  So why is it I’ve never been invited to the locker room — and this Gaga kid has?

Is it because she’s wearing an open Yankees jersey over her underwear?  Because I wear the same thing to every game and all I’ve gotten is arrested.

Lakers fans

Over the years, much ink and internet chatter have been spilled on the topic: New York vs. Los Angeles. We come not to revisit issues of public, public transit, and rights on red.

We offer but one thought on the matter — in New York, they know the difference between a parade and a pogrom.

Nanny Laws

Nannies with rights? Inconceivable!

Let’s say you look like what Woody Allen might call a homunculus.  But you’re kind of charming, stinking rich, and your wife somehow approved a live-in shiksa goddess to care for your meeskite children.  New York has just created a nightmare scenario for you.

You now have to give domestics 14 days notice — which means, if you shtup the nanny today, you’ve got to keep her around for two weeks to avoid a lawsuit on top of the blackmail.

Something tells me we’re going to see an increase in nanny murders.  I’m just saying…