Tag Archives: mother


Two Bay Area Burger King employees were fired for a bit of workplace honesty — replacing the hollow “thank you” on drive-thru receipts with the more genuine “fuck you.”

Reminds me of all those Thanksgiving dinners when I’d bring home a new girlfriend.  She’d invariably tell my mother: “What a lovely home you have” — and rather than say “thank you,” ma would just reply, “You’re not good enough for my son.”

Okay, so it’s not identical, but…

I wonder what "supersize" came with...

Dangerously Bad Cooks

A woman in upstate New York has been sentenced to 23 years in prison for killing her boyfriend with antifreeze-laced margaritas.  It’s gotten me wondering — maybe that metallic taste in my mother’s matzoh ball isn’t vitamins.

My mother's always had me by the balls


It’s supposed to be safe and fake.  That’s how Mandy Patinkin can be the world’s greatest Spanish swordfighter. So what’s an actor doing getting shot during a performance of Sondheim’s romantic opus, Passion?

Please don’t let my mom know, she’ll never let my daughter be in Annie.  Mom’s terrified enough by the phrase “hard-knock life.”

You killed my father, pretend to die. I said PRETEND!

Trayf of the Week: Kevin Bacon

Actually bacon Kevin Bacon.  Well, it was inevitable, wasn’t it?  If inevitable meant an offense against man and art.  Like my mother’s Long Island living room.

Looks more like bacon Conan O'Brien, no?

Crazy moms

A Florida mom was arrested for rooting on her teenage girl in a brawl.

Now a Jewish mom will do anything for her child.  Except this.

Do you remember what happened if a kid threatened to take your lunch money?  Your mom called the school.  And the other kid’s mom.  And maybe wrote a letter to Sandy Koufax.  She didn’t join in with the line of kids recording it for YouTube.

Honor thy mother -- and thy internet audience

Prop 8 Decision

From my gay cousin Erich:

“Thanks, meddlesome lawyers.  The best part about being gay was that I had the perfect answer every time my mother asked why I wasn’t married.  Now I’m fair game.  Sometimes, it’s good not to be like everyone else.”

The rainbow bulls-eye



One particular jellyfish, in fact.

It seems this New Hampshire beach-dweller stung 150 people — “most of them children.”

On general principles, I hate anything that provides fodder for overprotective Jewish mamehs and makes it more likely to keep young Yids indoors and pasty-faced.