Tag Archives: lawyer

Frivolous lawsuits

IHOP (the International House of Pancakes) is suing IHOP (the International House of Prayer). Obviously, we’re worried about the precedent — we don’t want notorious bootlegger Jed Manischewitz threatening the Kosher wine we all know and… well, we know it.

Yes, we’re on the record supporting more makework for our underemployed shysters, but we gotta defend Hashem.  (And we’re glad to, since we know he won’t be chintzy with the billables.)

Can't we all just get along?

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Job Opening of the Week: Midwestern Lawyer

A Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader — who also happens to be a high school teacher — won an $11m default judgment against a defaming website… only to realize she’d sued the wrong website.

For all you out of work Shysters, this has to provide some hope.  Clearly they’re lacking smart Jew lawyers in Ohio.  So get out there and sue for libel.  Just read up on the Blood Libel first.

She doesn't teach Saturday school...

Google’s Android Software

So, Google is introducing software you can “design yourself.” Like I’m supposed to be excited about this?

I sent my kids to law school so they didn’t have to build anything.  Ever.

If I wanted them working with tools and making patterns I’d have stayed on the Lower East Side.

Where's the robot who does all this for me?

“Reality” shows

So here’s what my daughter knows about the Bar exam — apparently it’s very hard because some girl named Victoria, on some reality show called Downtown Girls, has failed it twice.  It’s not possible that the girl is a moron — after all, she rebounded with another “bar exam” — applying for a job at an actual bar.

When will these kids learn there’s no shortcut to a real, fulfilling, successful life?

And when will Bravo make America’s Next Top Suburban Dentist?  What, if you can’t beat ’em, overcharge them for gold crowns.

Yup, that's how it is, kids.

Who’s Giving Us a Bad Name This Week: Sholom Rubashkin

Let’s look at the evidence against Mr. Rubashkin, a Kosher slaughterhouse manager in Iowa recently convicted of 86 federal financial crimes:

  1. He’s a Kosher slaughterhouse manager in Iowa. Believe you me, we understand trying to exploit an under-served market.  But if you need to turn to crime to make a living, you may have misjudged the demand in the first place.
  2. A large number of lawyers are rallying to his side. Since he hasn’t been involved in a slip-and-fall accident, this is a sure sign he’s going to hell.
  3. He’s trading on his autistic son for sympathy. Only marginally better than trading him for a New York strip.

Saying "sholom" to freedom

Supreme Court

There’s been a lot of talk about the lack of representation on the Supreme Court for certain religious groups.  (Protestants, I’m looking at you — and you’re homely).  But shouldn’t we be more concerned with a group of lawyers where only two are Jewish?

I wouldn’t trust a Gentile lawyer to work out my prenup — but I’m supposed to count on ’em to decide the presidency?

Maybe next time they gavel the court to order they should sub "Oy vey" for "Oyez."

New York Times to the rescue

It’s good to know you have your priorities straight, New York Times.

In these times — when men with wives and children lose their houses for missing a payment — Hashem forbid a 27-year-old lawyer making $160k (plus benefits and bonus) need to spend his own money on designers for the apartment his parents bought for him.

Way to stand up for the little guy, NYT.  I think I just threw up in my kugel.

The house that Big Law couldn't build