Tag Archives: Israel

Trayf of the Week: Trapped at 30,000 feet

Passengers aboard a recent flight from Israel to London learned their dining options were ham melts and bacon baguettes.  In other words, pork… or French pork.  Savvy move from the Mephistophelean easyJet.

Someone must have let them in on a little secret — alter kockers can’t go more than 90 minutes without a nosh — even if their immortal souls are on the line.

Yes, it's super trayf. But... on the other hand...

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Children’s toys

In this holiday season, we must be vigilant against all terrorist encroachments.  Especially when they come wrapped in pretty packages.

Yesterday Israel shot down a “suspicious” balloon. These are the worst kind — because they’re also the best kind.  What might be inside?  A bomb?  A camera?  Confetti?  We may never know — but we’ll be ready for what’s next.

Nutcrackers, I’m looking at you.  Especially if you’re riding on a horse.

A Trojan horse.

Public enemy #1

Israeli Tea Party

Are you kidding me?  An Israeli Tea Party rallying against Barack… Obama?!  Outrageous.  Not because of the politics, though.  Have you ever had Israeli tea?  Tastes like the Dead Sea.  Not good.  Not at all good.

Maybe they could be the mint lemonade party?

Demi and Ashton

 


White, billowing smugness

Ashton and Demi have decided to take off to Israel to distract from rumors of Ashton’s infidelity.   Because no one’s ever been unfaithful in the Holy Land.

Note to all would-be Bathsheba’s: Cover up.  Demi will twittersmack you.

Oprah

So, apparently Oprah told her rapturous followers yesterday that she was going to take them all to Australia.  Listen, Oprah, I know what you’re thinking — it’s the end of the era, time to take everyone to the desert holy land.

But when we did it, O, it was without an air-conditioned plane.  Don’t think you can compete.

Oprah is not going to Australia to hit on Nicole Kidman. Again.

Mexican bling

Are we supposed to be impressed that the Mexican drug museum features outrageous bling like diamond-encrusted cellphones and the high fashion artillery displayed below?

Have you never been to the Hebrew Hammer museum?  This is just a pinky ring!

Why Mexican gangsters have such good pre-nups

People

A supposedly shocking new Time poll says that 25% of Americans think Obama is Muslim — and another 25% refused to answer/were unsure — meaning they also think Obama is Muslim but believe it’s wrong to even say the word Muslim to a pollster.  So half.  Half the country thinks Obama’s Muslim.

Which is ridiculous.  Obama goes to seder, has a rabbi for a relative, and is clearly afraid of Palestinians.  He’s a Jew.

Putting it all in perspective