Tag Archives: Hashem

Chilean Miners

Did you hear the one about the Chilean miner who was rescued only to have his wife attack him, because the whole mishegas let her discover his mistress?  And just when you though the vengeful Old Testament G-d had been Kabbalah-ed out of existence!

Welcome back, Hashem, let’s go stone some disobedient children.

 

¡Ay dios mio!

 

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Frivolous lawsuits

IHOP (the International House of Pancakes) is suing IHOP (the International House of Prayer). Obviously, we’re worried about the precedent — we don’t want notorious bootlegger Jed Manischewitz threatening the Kosher wine we all know and… well, we know it.

Yes, we’re on the record supporting more makework for our underemployed shysters, but we gotta defend Hashem.  (And we’re glad to, since we know he won’t be chintzy with the billables.)

Can't we all just get along?

The Pope

Hey, you may be the Pope — but you are not infallible.  Everyone knows you can’t wear a blank baseball cap.

Even Hashem picks sides in these things.  And that side is the Yankees.

The Pope isn't taking his talents to Cleveland.

Arizona

All this howling about the new immigration law is much tsuris about nothing.  Desert states aren’t supposed to be peaceful.

Hashem could have made Arizona a land of milk and honey — instead, he made it a land of cactus, rednecks and aged Yids.  Let’s respect that.

Hashem called the dry land "earth." And He saw it wasn't good. But He knew no take-backs!

Grass

$133 million to let some grass grow on the side of a building?  Look, I’m all for environmentalism — there’s nothing more green than refusing to push an elevator button on Friday night — but if Hashem wanted a garden in the sky he’d have built one.  Oh wait… he already did.

Finish all your vegetables before looking out the window...