Tag Archives: doctors

Early Menopause

More trustworthy than WebMD... according to my mother.

A new bit of scary science – and we can’t even blame doctors for this one!

Nope, IT worker Maria Clynes is the one letting us know we better lay off the slivovitz if we want to keep the bloodline going.

Personally, I’m not changing a thing.  I think I’d need the booze to get through the hot flashes.

Who’s Giving Us a Bad Name This Week: Jennifer Aniston

Gerard Butler may be good-looking, but last I checked, he’s no proctologist.  A good Jewish girl only lets doctors examine her.

Chivalry: Gerard Sticks His Finger In Jen's Butt

Wait, Jennifer Aniston isn’t Jewish.  But Rachel Green was.  And Monica Geller was even more Jewish.  Probably the Jewiest name ever on a sitcom — and she was played by Courtney Cox — another Gentile.  No wonder they never had the special Simchat Torah episode.  Oy.

10 years later, Friends continues to annoy…

Holistic Dentistry

An apple a day puts my son-in-law out of business.

Dear organic-gobbling, bikram breathing yuppies:

It’s one thing for you to take the Kabbalah away from us, but now, you’re co-opting the classic occupation for Jews who do just enough to please their mothers.

Israel’s Winter Olympics Futility

What’s the matter with Israel?  I know it’s a desert country, but surely there are a couple of Mossad agents who could rock the biathlon.  If I have to watch China prove its dominance in one more arena, I’m going to stop pressuring my son to be a doctor and start pressuring him to be a Chinaman instead.

A sport Eric Bana Could kill in

Scientists

First off, we resent those who think we pick on scientists just because we’ve disappointed our mothers by typing little thoughts into little boxes.

Second, those mad money-squandering momma’s boys are at it again!  A new study shows why it’s so scary to lose money.  Yup, they’ve cracked it.  Maybe the next study will show why it’s so thrilling to have a nice shiksa bury your face between her breasts.

Don't worry -- now your wife will UNDERSTAND

Trayf of the week: Pig to Human Lung Transplants

In case you’ve missed it, there’s a bit of bacon-mania going on these days.  Bacon chocolate, bacon doughnuts, bacon potato chips…and now bacon vital organs?  Great.

Should I ever be unlucky enough to need a new lung, I’ll only be allowed in my own house on a paper plate.

The smugness of the non-ruminating beast has gotten out of hand.