Tag Archives: doctors

The Nobel Prize

Is it really necessary, Nobel Committee, to remind me once a year of how I’ll never really make my mother proud?

 

Mother, meet Andre Geim, discoverer of graphene, son of your heart.

 

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Quitters

The woman with the world’s largest breast — so large that she had to leave Texas, where everything is bigger, and head to Brazil, where everything is legal — had them removed.  Apparently, she was unable to battle the host of health problems they caused.

Lame.

Quitting during Holy Week?  Something tells me she’s going to be on the big guy’s naughty list this year.

L'shana tovah tikata-boob

Archie Panjabi

While accepting her Emmy, The Good Wife actress announced, “This is so good for my career.”  Ms. Panjabi, you might want to take it down a notch.  Trust us.

When the outsiders who are good at math not only get ahead but celebrate it — that’s when the pogroms start.

All this kvelling and she's not even a doctor

DNA

How could three little letters be so awesomely annoying?

After years of giving doctors something to know more about than the rest of us, now DNA is trying to claim Hitler was Jewish.

That’s right — annoying and anti-Semitic.  Shame on you, deoxyribonucleic acid.

Don't look at me all innocent

Students who go to med school without being pre-med

What?!

No one told us about this!

I could have skipped all that organic chemistry mishegas and still gone to med school?  Does anyone want to buy my butcher shop?  I need tuition money!

I sincerely hope he didn't learn anatomy in art history...

Supposed Bisexuals

So, Vanessa whatshername-shehadthatsong has come out as bisexual, riding the coattails of the True Blood blonde.  But as neither seem to be in relationships with women (and the latter is apparently engaged to her male co-star), it all looks like a plea for attention.

As I told my grandson Erich — I don’t care you’re a faygelah, but I don’t love you because you’re a faygelah.  I love you because you’re a doctor.

One girly crush does not a lesbian identity make -- just as one almost hit song does not a pop star make.

Young Seinfelds

Yes, Jerry Seinfeld has made about a billion dollars off of Yid jokes.

No, you won’t.

This is knowledge that every Jewish parent needs to impart.  It is, in fact, the responsibility of every mameh and tateh to shame little Gerald into going to medical school… or dental school… or even podiatry school.  He needs a profession!

You should not be filling him with pipe dreams and putting him on YouTube.