Tag Archives: crime

Dangerously Bad Cooks

A woman in upstate New York has been sentenced to 23 years in prison for killing her boyfriend with antifreeze-laced margaritas.  It’s gotten me wondering — maybe that metallic taste in my mother’s matzoh ball isn’t vitamins.

My mother's always had me by the balls

World’s worst grandma

A Florida grandma was arrested for trying to sell her grandson.  Tip-off she wasn’t Jewish?  She thought there was enough money in the world to buy her grandson!  Bubbeh may be smothering, but chintzy with the grandkids she is not!

I wouldn't want to eat her Matzoh balls



Subway Cameras

So New York has decided to install thousands of cameras in the subways.  Do they know what this will do to my subterranean crime syndicate?

Since Giuliani cleaned up New York, it’s been Dickensian London down below — and I’ve really been enjoying my time as Fagin.

"You've got to pick a pocker or two..."

Who’s Giving Us a Bad Name This Week: Sholom Rubashkin

Let’s look at the evidence against Mr. Rubashkin, a Kosher slaughterhouse manager in Iowa recently convicted of 86 federal financial crimes:

  1. He’s a Kosher slaughterhouse manager in Iowa. Believe you me, we understand trying to exploit an under-served market.  But if you need to turn to crime to make a living, you may have misjudged the demand in the first place.
  2. A large number of lawyers are rallying to his side. Since he hasn’t been involved in a slip-and-fall accident, this is a sure sign he’s going to hell.
  3. He’s trading on his autistic son for sympathy. Only marginally better than trading him for a New York strip.

Saying "sholom" to freedom