Tag Archives: Christmas

Children’s toys

In this holiday season, we must be vigilant against all terrorist encroachments.  Especially when they come wrapped in pretty packages.

Yesterday Israel shot down a “suspicious” balloon. These are the worst kind — because they’re also the best kind.  What might be inside?  A bomb?  A camera?  Confetti?  We may never know — but we’ll be ready for what’s next.

Nutcrackers, I’m looking at you.  Especially if you’re riding on a horse.

A Trojan horse.

Public enemy #1

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Santa Claus Firing

A Macy’s Santa Claus lost his job for telling a not-even-really naughty joke to an elderly couple of lapsitters.

This could never happen at a Chanukah party — and not just because of the whole Santa Claus thing.

Jews pay good money to hear dirty jokes.  And to sit on laps.

He plays Santa Claus and Lazar Wolf

Trayf of the Week: Bacon Soda

Jones Soda — the hip handcrafted soda makers — have come up with a holiday special that is decidedly non non-denominational.  That’s right, bacon soda.

For when you just need a trayf pick-me-up — and want to feel it burning all the way from your throat to hell.

Get it in the gift basket -- the savings make it a little Jewish!

Who’s Giving Us a Bad Name This Week: Michael Bloomberg

Anxious to demonstrate fiscal responsibility, his Hizzonership has decided to cut Christmas cards, apparently unaware that it looks like a pennypinching Jew billionaire stealing Christmas.

Huzzah.  I’m sure to counterbalance it, he’ll cut our Tu B’Shvat cards.

Every Jew down in Jewville, the tall and the small... was crying.

The Chinese

Look, we never got on the sushi boat.  Raw fish seems a little meshuggah.  Besides, we already had forged a bond with a certain General Tsao.  But have you seen this?!  It threatens to ruin Chinese food for us.  And if that happens, what are we supposed to do on Christmas day?

“A movie and some Thai” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.