Tag Archives: alter kocker

Trayf of the Week: Trapped at 30,000 feet

Passengers aboard a recent flight from Israel to London learned their dining options were ham melts and bacon baguettes.  In other words, pork… or French pork.  Savvy move from the Mephistophelean easyJet.

Someone must have let them in on a little secret — alter kockers can’t go more than 90 minutes without a nosh — even if their immortal souls are on the line.

Yes, it's super trayf. But... on the other hand...

Chinese traffic

For those afraid this post is going to be about ethnic stereotyping, relax: This isn’t a joke about how badly Chinese women drive.  That’s not a laughing matter, just a public safety crisis.

No, this is about the traffic jam outside of Beijing that’s stretching over 60 miles and expected to last 6 weeks.  I haven’t seen a bottleneck that bad since the alter kocker home started requiring tickets for Murder, She Wrote night.

Did anyone bring mah jong?

Jack Kevorkian

Thanks to that Al Pacino movie, Jack Kevorkian is back preaching about killing old people.  Listen up, Dr. Death, I’m taking every last breath I can — if only to suck oxygen away from that chaleria next door at the alter kocker home.  Hey, Mrs. Lowenthal, my grandkids love me, too, they’re just no so gauche about it.

When you want to off yourself, hoo-ah you gonna call?

Bloomberg’s Jerusalem Syndrome

Last week’s Simpsons (which, like my mother in the alter kocker home, just won’t die) — dealt with the Jerusalem Syndrome.  I never believed that a stranger in the holy land might get confused and think himself the Messiah… until I saw these pics of Herr Bloomberg.  His Hizzoner took a trip to Broadway and now he thinks he’s Jesus Christ Superstar.

Then again, I bet it didn’t take much to convince Bloomberg he was the Savior…

Let's hope this isn't the dawning of anything


If I’d known hipsters would pay hundreds of dollars to look like my Aunt Esther, I never would have shipped her off to the alter kocker farm and burned her clothes.  Okay, I might have still shipped her off to the home…..

Bringin' the fuddy back.

Who’s Giving Us a Bad Name This Week: Charlie Rangel

Look, I know he’s not technically a yid, but scandal-plagued Congressman Charlie Rangel has reached that age and girth where it’s hard to tell the difference between old fat black men and old fat Jews.  Seriously, the beaches of Boca Raton are littered with sun-drenched alter kockers who look just like this.

Charlie Rangel or Alan King? You're not sure, are you?