Nevada whiners

The New York Times — and a bunch of Vegas locals — are complaining about smoking… in casinos.  Have they no decency?!

Vegas is our last bastion of legalized bad behavior.  Prostitution, fiscal irresponsibility, Penn and Teller — it’s where we go to escape a rule-filled world.

Next thing you know they’re going to campaign against the day trip Jews get to murder dead ringers of the Munich Olympic terrorists.

That's all right, bubbeh, keep smoking -- you earned it.


One response to “Nevada whiners

  1. First off, I’ll be honest with you – I don’t know too many Jewish people, so I’m no expert, but an angry Jew is clearly someone I could comfortably hang out with. Call it instinct, but I just know these things. So, already, I count you as my friend. Once you learn about me, you will undoubtedly feel the same.

    Now, by way of introduction: Some people say I’m a chain-smoking, semi-drunken ex go-go dancer from the ’60s – and I guess that sums it up nicely. But I’m also a celebrity – and as a celebrity, I set my own rules concerning where and when I smoke. Wherever I light up automatically becomes the smoking section. I ALWAYS smoke on airline flights, and rarely have a problem with it. A fistful of dollars handed to the flight attendant usually takes care of things at the beginning of the flight, and I give the stink-eye to passengers who have a problem with me, and if that doesn’t work, a few screamed obscenities usually does the trick. If all else fails, I’ll head to the lavatory – you ever seen what a stiletto heel does to a smoke detector?

    Of course I’ve heard the claims about the adverse effects of smoking – that’s why I had an ashtray installed on my exercise bike – right next to the cupholder for my Scotch.

    Let’s face it, smokers are much more interesting and attractive people than non-smokers. How many times have we been trapped in a room with non-smokers? Do I have to tell you what that’s like? Don’t get me wrong – getting into a knife fight with a rabid “anti” isn’t necessarily the best approach, but speaking from personal experience, it IS a bit of an adrenaline rush. I think I’m a good example of the positive benefits of smoking… if I didn’t smoke, do you think I would have had my own television specials, guest-starred on numerous TV shows, and starred in several motion pictures? And what about all the stars I’ve slept with? Could I have done that if I were a non-smoker? Of course not. Just ask the game-show host who told me I couldn’t smoke during the show – I put my cigarette out in his eye, and walked off the set. Of course, I would never do things like this out of meanness – I’m simply a strong, assertive female, a worthy role model to all you kids out there. And, I suppose some of it does stem from meanness… But as women, and as smokers, we have the power – we must use it.
    And one last point – I’m not looking for any payments from “Big Tobacco” because I smoke – truth be told, I may owe them a few bucks, since I occasionally shoplift a couple packs here and there – you know how it is…

    Your friend,


    PS – And please, if you have nothing better to do, stop over at my blog. It’s guaranteed to cheer you up, and provide a sense of solidarity you’ve never before experienced. Or at least, it may make you smile.

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